ROOMMATES!
Where to find them & how to pick them!
Moving day!
Introduction
Finding the perfect roommate is HARD—it’s more than just splitting rent. It’s about finding someone who is dependable, whose life can match up enough with yours so that living together not only isn’t a problem but might benefit both parties.
In today’s post we are going to discuss tips for selecting a roommate and what to keep in mind when looking for one, including where to find potential candidates.
Additionally, we are hosting our very OWN Roommate Mixer! An in-person, educational event similar to ‘speed-dating’ where people will be able to enjoy snacks, a short talk on selecting the perfect roommate and an interview exercise to help with narrowing down who might be the best teammate in this game of housing.
STAY TUNED!
How to Find a Roommate SAFELY!
- Leverage In-Person Events:
- Library groups for writing, gardening, finances, etc.
- Local Clothing Swaps or Art events
- Book clubs
- Language classes
- Online Platforms to Consider:
- Word of Mouth:
Attending in-person events, such as Roommate Mixers, comes with several benefits!
Firstly, you know exactly who you are talking to, no fear of cat-fishing when the person you are interviewing (and who is interviewing you) is sitting directly across from you.
Secondly, events like ours (tailored specifically to education on roommate selection) offer tips, guidance and structure to start roommate relationships off right, with boundaries!
Third, even if you don’t find THE roommate at such an event, you are still making ACTIVE connections with similar people. These connections can help you find someone that might be a better fit, or maybe they are similar potential contacts, either way the benefit of networking at public, in-person events is extremely valuable.
Finding events specific to roommate selection is hard, especially if you are not directly associated with a college or university, so looking for other in-person events that are associated with something you enjoy is a good idea!
There are several roommate apps out there, Roomi, Diggz, Roomster, etc. They have their benefits, for example they narrow your search to people who have had to go through similar questionnaires to you, they have to pay to use the app and some offer ‘specialized’ searches. As a resource, don’t discount these. They mirror dating apps in some ways, connecting you with people nearby needing a roommate. But also similar to many dating apps the profile you are scrolling through may not accurately reflect the person on the other side. They also do not prompt you on important conversations like an in-person Roommate Mixer would, highlighting the priority topics that should be discussed, offering conflict management techniques and giving you a roommate contract template.
The tried and true method, though the slowest typically. Telling people you are looking for a roommate is the original way of doing things, so let’s not discount it! Making sure your coworkers, friends and community circles know, puts the message out there and often it can bring one or two people to you that might be good candidates.
Ultimately, no matter which avenue you take, or which ones you mix and match, have your non-negotiables listed, questionnaires prepared and ideal living situation outlined because this will guide you through each and every roommate conversation with a clear direction.
How to Pick the Right Roommate
Define Your Priorities:Budget, cleanliness, schedule compatibility, and lifestyle, these are examples of areas in your life you will need to evaluate and set non-negotiables. Many of us have not analyzed our life like this, typically we just LIVE it. But for the purpose of finding someone that you not only can tolerate but can ENJOY living with you will need to evaluate the following areas of your life, otherwise you might move in with someone and 6 months into the 12 month lease realize that tensions have built up because neither of you set good boundaries in the beginning.
Boundaries protect us in relationships. Both parties. They may feel awkward or painful when we set them but ultimately they help us to work and live with each other in harmony.
Areas to consider:
- Cleanliness: Do you mind if shared spaces are messy or cluttered? Do you wash your dishes as soon as you are done eating or do you let them soak in the sink? What does clean look like to you? Does it affect your mental health?
- Chores: Speaking of cleanliness, how will you divide chores so that each person knows their role? Will there be a weekly planner or does each person do the same thing (ie one always does the dishes, no matter who dirties them and one always does the laundry, no matter who’s clothes)?
- Routines and Schedules: These define our lives, our success, our moods. Knowing if you are an early riser or a night, if you value the same routine each day or spontaneity is crucial. Because if you are working a third shift and sleeping during the day and you have a roommate who is up and inevitably making noise during the day, it will strain both of you and your health. Having a roommate who's schedule aligns with yours saves you both headaches and bad sleep. Ask questions like: What’s your work schedule typically like? Do you stay up late most nights or prefer to wake up early? Do you have study hours? Do you have class hours? What do your weekends look like?
- Habits & Substance use: Some people prefer sober homes, others enjoy partaking under their own roof, clarify which you prefer from the start. If you enjoy drinking but don’t like to have people over to drink or don’t enjoy house parties, perhaps set a boundary of only drinking outside of the house. Do you smoke? Do you not? Ask questions like these. It can be difficult sometimes because of the stigma or tone perceived but make sure that you approach the questions with curiosity. If one party uses substances and one doesn’t set boundaries like location and time is fair, so long as both individuals agree.
- Guest Policies: Are you an extrovert or introvert? Do you often have people over? Who? Friends, family, strangers? Most places have ‘visiting hours’ and this can be applied to the place you are living. For both parties’ sanity, safety and peace of mind it is best to set clear times when people can be over and when they cannot. This includes if people stay the night. Likely in the lease you will be signing there is a guest policy, remember to bring this into the conversation as it will set the limitation for how often and how long you can have guests over. It isn’t an issue of controlling who the other person can see or not see, it should be a policy to help you respect each other’s space.
- Pets: Ask if they have them, want them, plan to have them. What is the apartment’s policy on pets? Do they have an Emotional Support Animal? Do they plan on getting one? Is anyone allergic?
- Shared Finances: How will the rent be paid? Through a joint bank account that each person sends their monthly payment to by a certain date? Or is one person responsible for the payment and they other getting their portion to them in a timely manner? What about utilities? Who will have their name on the electricity bill? Who will provide furniture? Or will it be a joint effort, spending a week gathering items together? Have a WRITTEN plan for how shared finances will be handled and keep others accountable with kindness. This is where a written roommate contract is important! As it will outline the shared responsibilities and help to navigate late payments or other financial questions.
Communication & Conflict Management
These are broad areas to evaluate and there are many ways to do it! But knowing how you communicate and how you prefer to navigate conversation is important! Knowing if you handle stress well or not is critical to knowing how you manage conflict. Are you the type of person who just lets things roll off your shoulders or do you need time alone to process things. Addressing things in a calm manner is usually everyone’s goal but when tensions are high, volume, emotions and everything in between seem to escalate. How do you personally address conflict? What do you do for “after-care” once the issue is resolved? Do you enjoy a shared activity? Take some space? Or push it under the rug? Knowing this information is vital for how you and your future roommate will address issues.
Some techniques that people use when addressing and navigating conflict:
- Take some space and write out your issue , be specific. Include the other party’s perspective. Next list 2-3 things that would resolve it. Bring this to the conversation.
- Texting vs talking. Some people prefer to text inside of talking in person about conflict because it is easier to process in the moment.
- Give the issue a silly name. Something that makes it a third entity that you and your roommate can address separately from each other and tackle as a team. For example if cleaning the dishes in the issue, call it Roberta. “Roberta seems to be an issue recently. She is always in the sink and it makes it hard for me to make dinner when she is there. What if we switched off weekly taking care of Roberta so she is easier for us both to manage. I can eat dinner without a problem and you only have to worry about her every other week?” It sounds strange, odd even. But the idea is to implement playfulness and take away direct blame. This doesn’t remove responsibility. Someone has to care for Roberta! But it isn’t your roommate personality flaw necessarily, and improving the way you speak to each other and about each other, strengthens ANY relationship!
Roommate Mixer Information!
Now that you have read about how to find, select and maintain a roommate, why not test the waters and come to our FREE and FUN event! Please note the flyer and link, which will take you directly to our RSVP page.
At this Mixer we will give a brief presentation, pass out questionnaires, offer roommate contract templates and give you the opportunity to network through out “speed-dating” style activity where each participant will have 3 minutes to ask vital questions and practice roommate interviewing.
AND OF COURSE there will be food!
So sign up today!
Roommate Mixer Flyer!
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